YourName! I just received a text from Kim. So, you're interested in getting yourself a publicist?
A publicist would serve you well, and I think I know just the person: Maria Holmes. She's an excellent publicist, and she knows every trick in the book. And besides her sometimes, um, violent mood swings, she's a delight. Her office is actually in my building. Why don't we go meet her?
Good! And if you're talking to Kim, tell her I haven't gotten any Instantgrams from her yet... I'm not complaining... I'm just making an observation.
So, this is Simon "I still own a beeper" Orsik's newest client? You, YourName, don't want to know what he thinks a selfie is... Well... you certainly have the look, but here's the deal: I'll take you on as a client for now, but only as a favor to Simon.
You're lucky. His technological shortcomings aside, he's a good manager, so you have no excuse if you screw up. And if you can show me that you can NOT embarrass yourself in public and do what I say... I'll keep you around. Sound good?
Good. Now, let's get to why you're here: Stalkergate - whatever you want to call it, is not the introduction to the world you want. Dirk Diamonds/Willow Pape... s/he's angry with you for what exactly? You hit on his ex?
1 Apparently. 2 I did.
1 Hm... sounds to me like s/he's jealous. Do you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or... any friends? Don't tell me you're a bitter longer. I WON'T represent another one of those. 2 That's a good way to make enemies! Do you have a... different boyfriend, girlfriend, or... any friends? Don't tell me you're a bitter longer. I WON'T represent another one of those.
1 & 2 I'm not.
Well, then it's easy: go on a date! You won't be seen as a home wrecker if you're clearly not wrecking any homes?
That's what I JUST said. A date shouldn't be hard to find: this city is filled with lonely, if not desperate people - maybe stay away from the desperate ones, though.
Oh! And I almost forgot. As part of my comprehensive package, I can also take to the internet and get some revenge on Dirk Diamonds/Willow Pape. Just a little rumor, some gossip to get some negative attention on him/her if you'd like.
A (Get revenge.) B (Take high road.)
A Who needs therapy when blasting someone online makes me feel better than all the CBT and SSRIs in the world could? +6, +3 B You're no fun! I'll just have to relieve my stress some OTHER way then. +6, +3
A & B ...
Is @Dirk_Diamonds/@WillowPape addicted to plastic surgery? A single, anonymous source thinks so, and who could argue or sue for libel when it's posted as a question?
Willow Pape / Dirk Diamonds
@WillowPape / @Dirk_Diamonds
@Starnews_Ray don't be jealous because your doctor botched your face lift! Everyone knows I'm mostly natural!
She's... mercurial, but she gets the job done. If you're looking for a little romance, I know Kim is always interested in setting people up. Why not see if she has anyone in mind?